As many of us know, not having children can be painful. A terrific article in today’s Contra Costa Times talks about this and describes some of the agencies that are helping childless women deal with their grief through therapy. The piece, called “Childless by Fate, Choice,” was written by Jessica Yadegaran. It includes a forum to answer the question “Have you come to terms with not having children?” I would love to have people answer that question here, too.
I’m currently working on the chapter about grief in my Childless by Marriage book, and it is interesting how one’s feelings change over time. It’s also hard not to project my feelings onto other people.
So how do you feel about it? Do you regret your choice? Are you still trying to decide what to do? What advice would you give someone like the 35-year-old woman I interviewed this weekend who is dating a man who doesn’t want any more children?
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Childless by Marriage 
Oh, Anonymous July 29 2;22, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. You have a lot of painful things going on right now. I wonder if might not be worth trying another counselor. Surely there's someone out there who understands. I believe it will get easier with time. Meanwhile, hang in there. You're not alone.
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It seems to me that part of the feminist legacy is guilt over not having children (and wanting to have a career as well). My mum had me at 19 and my brother 8 years later although my dad did not want another child – they divorced when my brother was 1 year old. Fast forward – I gained a degree, good job etc married at 26 but first husband did not want children. At 35 I divorced him amicably (but angry for lost time). I remarried at 37 and 3 years later naturally fell pregnant but m/c. We finally resorted to ivf this year at 44 but after two attempts we are both in despair. Despair seems to be a common thread but I am strangely relieved to be among kindred folk.
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We're over 100 comments on this post now. Clearly the subject of grief strikes a nerve. I'm hearing the old Sonny and Cher song “And the beat goes on,” except I hear “And the grief goes on.”
Anon July 30, welcome. I think despair is not quite so bad when you are among people who understand. Take care.
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The pain never goes.
Im 35, was married for 10, but this pain becomes a losing battle/obsession and caused the relationship to break down, when he decided to cheat. I started menopause when I was 26, so have been 'grieving' for what seem like forever. Up until now my family have been supportive, but now my 19 year old sister has fallen pregnant and they all expect me to 'get over it' and be happy for her.. the pain cuts to deep, so the only thing I can do is distance myself from them all. My current boyfriend also sprung on me that he cant have kids either, so even IVF would be a pointless venture, even if they could do something.
Knowing the situation, and accepting it are two very different things – I dont think i'll ever accept it – The pain will always be there and i'll always feel incomplete.
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Oh Anon, menopause at 26! I feel for you. I hope you can somehow peace with this and that your family becomes a little, no a lot, more sympathetic.
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That's “find” peace. My brain isn't awake yet.
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Hello,
I found this site last night and read all the post and can't believe there are women like me in this world. I have been haunted by what I read all day today and decided I must right something tonight.
I am 43 (almost 44) married to a wonderful man who is 47. I am his second wife, He has three children by his first wife who couldn't raise them. When we married, I was 36, I became and instant mother to three children. The youngest at the time 7. I love those children and have treated them as their birth mother. Their birth mother has nothing to do with them except call them every 6 months for money.
I have wanted to have a child for several years but thought raising them would be enough. I have had several “mini blessings” but never a full term pregnancy. As the older I get the harder it is on my life. I want to give birth to a child so bad, words cannot describe my feelings. I can't even began to start on what I am typing because I am so filled with emotions, I am breaking down.
I suffer from horrible depressionbcause I can't deal with not being able to concieve. My husband does not want another child but said, he would welcome a blessing if it happened and love child. He is more afraid of my health mental and phsyical than anything else. I am at the point in my life that I don't care, I am willing to risk it all to become mother.
I spoke to my medical doctor who gave me a strict “talk” about my age and becoming pregnant. I didn't appreicate it and it has made me harden towards doctors. I have not been on any birth control and have still not be able to conceive. I am at the point that I feel my life is worthly of living because I can't be a birth mother.
I know whoever reads this will think I'm crazy and think I should be happy to be a step mother to three children but if you have ever been in that situation you will realize it is not the same as giving birth to a child.
I am going to be honest and say (since this is anonymous) that I can't think of my life going on without a child. I crave to be mother. I cry everyday and don't know where to turn. Doctors are not helping me and I have no friends to talk too. I can't even talk to my husband anymore about this.
I am slowing dying.
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Dear Anomymous 8/18, My heart breaks for you. No, stepchildren are not the same, but they are something. I often thanked my husband for giving me his family. I'm worried about your depression. I know you have had bad experiences with medical doctors, but counseling might help you a lot. If you can find a woman who has experience with this sort of thing, you'd be surprised how good it feels to talk about it. If you lived here on the Oregon coast, I'd recommend you to mine. She has brought me a long way from the soggy mess I was a couple of years ago. Please try to find someone to talk to. Meanwhile, take one moment at a time and look for the blessings in it. I know it sounds corny, but it really does help. You're in my prayers.
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I'm so glad that we are not alone. I only found out that my fiance had a child (who I've never met) after his grandfather's funeral (his aunt told me, in front of him). Even after we were married he always said 'lets discuss children later'. I'm now 51 and going through menopause. I love him to bits, but – if I had known that loving him would stop me from having children, I wouldn't have married him. He's not cruel, but he really doesn't have any empathy with this one.
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Anita,
That's a tough situation. Hang onto that love for him. It's tough for someone who has children to understand what it's like not being able to have them.
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Hi, I recently found this site in while searching for an answer on wanting children. I married a man raising his 2 children and made it clear he didn't want more. I'm over 40. So, I knew my chances for getting married & having children was slimming down. Although, I love love children & always dreamed of having my own I married him thinking I need kids and his kids need a mother. Within the 1st yr. I realized it's not the same as having your own. And I soon after realized he was not willing to give me full “mother rights” When he doesn't agree w/a decision he pulls rank. 2 yrs into the marriage my heart aches. I want a child so bad. I just don't know what to do. I want it bad enough to leave him. But, again I'm over 40. Leaving my husband doesn't guarantee a child. I keep saying maybe this is Gods will. But, how does someone who loves children & is loved by every child she encounters ends up with out children. How does that happen???
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CB, it just happens. I'm so sorry your stepchildren didn't turn out to be the answer to your prayers. Step-parenting is tough. My steps didn't fulfill my mothering dreams either–most of the time. There were definitely times when it was wonderful. Try to hang on to the good moments as you figure out what to do next.
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I am in the same position as all of you,at 42 I am childless. I also have a background of 2 breakdowns and long term use of antidepressants. I am an only adopted child,and that in itself feels like the pain is so much deeper.
My last partner,after promising me we would try,despite him already having children,cheated,lied and subsequently had a child with another woman,he even suggested one of my friends 'knock me up'-very callous and cruel. That just about broke me but I survived. Now I am seeing another man,one who treats me the way I have always deserved to be treated,but he already has a son. He knows I find it hard not having children but he finds it equally hard to talk about it. He gets very little time with his son due to his job so I can understand why he does not want to have any more. I do not want to destroy a great relationship with a good man,knowing deep inside that having a child at my age is highly against the odds.
Having a child is something I thought would always happen but now I see too many obstacles and not enough time. I cannot afford IVF,I have insufficient income to adopt,I am not financially independent,so really my options are out.
I cannot bear to go to family functions being the only female without children and I turn down invitations to children's birthday parties because it is too emotional,I cannot be someone's 'aunty' or 'friend' if you know what I mean. I know avoiding is not the best way to cope,but it is the only way I can at this point in time.
The social stigma of being childless is very disheartening,we are treated with pity,as if we are failures for not conforming to an ideal. If only they knew the pain we were going through.
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Welcome, Rebecca. It sounds like you've had a rough time. If you have a good man now, hang on to him. Together, you can make it through the grief of childlessness. It will get easier.
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The pain of not being able to have children is extreme, I am not able to have them due to ill health, I am 37 and thought that I would always have them. My husband doesn't want children as he is worried about my health , and has apparently not ever wanted them, the pain is at the moment so unbearable , when I talk to my husband he says he doesn't understand as he is not that bothered,I wish the pain would go away . esn't
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i know i might not be right to say this but 42 is not too late to have a child. i guess it just feels that compared to some of the stories i read on here i still see a possibility for you. especially if your husband does not see his son very much, it may be that he would value having a family. i hope i am not speaking out of turn as i know that it is also about accepting what we do not have but still there is something about your story which feels different. with love
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Anonymous, I'm so sorry. I hope you can find a way past your pain. I suspect men don't feel it the same way we do, and that makes it harder for them to understand.
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I am 50 years old and am with the man of my dreams. He is really the love of my life, and I am the love of his life too. He is 57 and already has 2 children. I am so sad because we will never have children together. I had been in relationships before and I deliberately did not have children because I knew that the relationship with the man was not “right”. Now that I meet the right man, I can't have children. The pain is so deep and hits me so hard sometimes. I am so grateful for what we have and I do love him so much. I wish this pain would go away.
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Anonymous, I hear you. I'm having a hard time with it myself today. Like most losses, it will not go away, but it will get easier–most of the time. Love that man and be glad you found him.
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I was older when I married and infertility runs in my family. My husband and I agreed to start trying right away, but right away started delaying me with wanting to have a month just for us. That turned into 2 months until finally after a couple of years he admitted that he doesn't want children. I am crushed. I have wanted to be a mother since I was a small child. He can't understand my grief. I feel betrayed by his breaking promise to try to have children right away. Now it is too late for me. He is completely against the idea of adoption too. How do you get over losing your lifetime dream?
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Oh, Anonymous Sept. 2, 7:31, you don't get over it; you learn to live with it. But why did he do such a complete turn? It seems like some more talking needs to be done. I wish you the best.
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I feel sad that I am 40 and it seems to have crept up on me. I really pine for a child and think I would make a good mother. I did not realise how strong this would get. My partner has 2 children so he is laid back about it. I am already sensing it to be one of the biggest regrets I will have
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Dear Nicole,
Unfortunately, that's how it happens for a lot of us. It sneaks up on us, and suddenly we're 40. When your partner has children and you don't, it makes it harder. It will be a big regret, but please let it ruin your life.
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I am 27 and have been married for 4 years to my wounderful husband (28). After not conciving for 3 years we went to a infertility doctor, everything was ok with me but when my husband did a sperm analise they did not find any sperm, not one 😦 he was reffered to a urologist who gave him testosterone pills but a year later and still no baby. I love my husband so much but am begining to come to the relization that we my not be able to have a child of our own and that breaks my heart. Every day that passes gets a little bit harder to bear. Every few months one of our friends is finding out they are going to have a baby, Its so hard to be at other peoples baby showers It really makes me depressed. But I can't get away from people having babies they are everywhere! Its seems like when you want something really badly is when it surrounds you, invading your every thought so close yet so so far from reach
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No sperm at all? Yikes. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. The good news is that you're young enough to try some other options, such as donor sperm or adoption, but that doesn't negate the loss of having children who are biologically yours. It hurts. Know that you're not alone in this. We're here for you.
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Thank you so much for this blog. It has helped my heart to know that there are others out there. Thank you ladies (and men) for sharing your stories. I married a man 21 years my senior, he has a son from his first marriage and raised her kids from her first marriage. He had a vasectomy immediately following his divorce from her. While dating we discussed a reversal to have a kid and agreed to try. He changed his mind, which I can understand but at the same time broke my heart (and continues to.) I hope that the pain becomes less, but I fear it won't. My husband is a good man and hates seeing me so sad. Which makes me feel guilty for wanting something that would so obviously make him unhappy. I don't regret marrying him, but I'm very sad for what I had (have) to give up to be with him.
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Welcome, Anonymous. You've hit the heart of this blog. You and your husband love each other, but being together means no kids for you. I'm glad we can be here for you and I hope it gets easier with time.
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i just turned 25, and i have been married for 5 years.. my husband has kids from a previous marriage. its hard alot because i have always wanted kids of my own and he cant have anymore. my step kids mean the world to me nut his ex makes it very hard on me and constantly rubs it in my face that i dont have my own.. My husband does not want more but says he would adopt a kid for me. I will never leave him to have a baby of my own, i love him very much but its very hard to watch all my friends and sisters het to have that relationship with their own.
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Anonymous, that sounds like a hard situation and I feel for you. At least your husband is willing to adopt. I think I'd take him up on it. Meanwhile, love those stepchildren and do your best to ignore their mother.
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I am 35. I have one daughter who is 14 from a previous relationship. I have been with my husband for 15 years and he has always known that I wanted to have 1 more baby. He agreed and wanted to have kids too. Well, last May he finally decided we could start trying to conceive. I became pregnant in Nov. and had a miscarriage at 13 weeks in Feb. He promised me that we could continue to try to have a baby, this hope kept me sane (miscarriage and my father died the same weekend) but after a few months noticed we weren't “doing it” at the right time and he kept rejecting me. So recently I approached him about this and he said that he doesn't want a baby and the only reason he told me he wanted to keep trying after the miscarriage was because other people kept telling him to agree to whatever I wanted. So now, I am devastated to know that my future and hopes and dreams I had have come crashing down. He says that I am being selfish for wanting a baby and not taking his feelings into consideration. I'm so lost I don't even know what to do.
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I appreciate everyone's situation on this site. I've been with my husband almost 17 years and we were both staunchly in the “no kids ever” camp until last year. Good friends had a baby and it was the first time in my life I'd ever considered being a mother. My husband and I discussed the situation at length and I told him that a no for one means a no for both – I can't make him do something he desperately does not want as much as I desperately want it. I am trying to figure out how to get over it, but it's hard. It is so strange to mourn the loss of something I never had and something I, until recently never wanted. I'll keep visiting for any coping tips. God bless everyone.
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Anonymous, Thanks for sharing this. It's just proof you can't control what your heart wants. I'm glad you were able to talk about it and make a decision as a team, even if it's painful for you. I wish you all the best and look forward to reading more of your comments.
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I married my wife 16 years ago. We both agreed to have several kids, but Fate had different plans. After battling infertility for several years, she was diagnosed with cancer and had to have a full hysterectomy. I know that being with her means that I will never have children of my own. This is something that I still deal with. Since I am still under 40, all of my friends are always sharing their paternal experiences with me. The grief and depression are intense and it has impacted our relationship in a number of ways. The life that I life today is far different from what I wanted. While we live a comfortable life, nothing can replace the dreams of fatherhood.
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Anonymous Oct. 26,
What a tough situation. It's good to hear from the male viewpoint. I hope you can both find peace with this.
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It was heartening to read the comments made by others about their own situations on not having children. It has made me feel like I am not weird for the way I feel.
I am 42 and haven't had children. I have been in a relationship for the past 17 years, we always talked about having kids, but never really tried, then its too late. My partner gets very sensitive when the subject comes up, we have never had medical assistance. Can't afford IVF and don't earn enough to be eligible for adoption.
All of my friends have kids, and I love being an Aunty, but there is a big hole in my heart where my kids should have been held. I only hope that that space will start shrinking soon, because lately it is massive!!
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Anonymous, Thank you for sharing this. I'm sure you're not alone in how you feel. I can't promise that the hole in your heart will go away, but it will get easier with time. I wish you all the best.
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I hurt so much that I turned to the internet to see what I could do to get the empty feeling to go away. Reading the stories I realize that it probably never will.
When I was 30, I married the perfect man for me. I was 30. He was 33. He has three children from a previous marriage and has had a vasectomy but I, being naive, thought that we could save up enough to have a reversal and boom, we could have kids. Well I managed to get some funds this year but not without a lot of trouble in between.
First we needed to see if I was fertile before we went through the trouble since I had polycystic ovarian syndrome but I didn't think it was a big deal since my mom had it and she had four kids. Turns out it was worse than they thought. They wanted to make sure my Fallopian tubes were open so I had an HSG test (which hurt like hell I might add). Turns out that the flow isn't good on the right side, and on the left, one of my tubes has turned up and is facing north. This was devastating news but it's fixable with surgery.
Then my husband was to be evaluated to see his level of sperm. We found out that his level of testosterone is low so he is taking pills to raise it.
All of this to say, I have thousands of dollars in medical bills because my insurance pays for none of this. And I feel like I'm no closer to my goal than I was when I started.
I cry in the middle of the night. Sobs wrack my body as I try to be as silent as I can so my husband won't hear. He's incredibly supportive and has been there when I needed to cry but every time that happens, he feels guilt which makes me feel even worse so I try to hold it in. He says he understands and he is sad too but he already has three kids. He can't possibly understand what I feel.
Even if we are able to get his testosterone up and my tubes fixed, it's still too much money. A reversal is 7K and in vitro is 12K. I feel hopeless. Money might not buy you happiness but it sure can pave the way there.
I don't feel total joy for people who get pregnant anymore. I hate seeing babies and I see them all the time. My best friend had three (three!!) abortions in her late teens. And then proceeded to have two more. I'm pro-choice but I couldn't help but feel bitter and a little selfish. It's so easy for some people that they don't even think about it.
I hurt and I don't think I'll ever stop hurting. Most people want to win the lottery so they can go on vacations, quit their jobs, or buy a bigger house. I want to win the lottery so I can have a baby.
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Anonymous, I'm so sorry. It doesn't seem fair, does it. I wish I could do something to take away the pain. I could say something easy like try adoption or counseling, but all of us here know it isn't that easy. I hope and pray you find peace with this soon.
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Twelve years ago I met a man. He had been married before and has one child from that marriage. Before we got married he told me he wanted children with me. I have always dreamed of having children since I was a teenager. After we got married my husband changed his mind about having children or else he just wasn't being honest when he told me his did. Anyways, every time I would try and talk to him about wanting children he would either ignore me or get in my face and yell at me saying I don't want any children with you. He obviously still loves his w wife. His daughter is grown up now, but she had done everything in her power to break up our marriage. And now she has three children and my husband is so happy for her. He was never happy for me when I wanted children. My husband did finally go to the doctor to get his sperm count checked after months of begging him. They said he had no sperm. So I decided to see a fertility doctor and was inceminated from a donor. I had to beg my husband to go with me to all my appointments. When his daughter got pregnant at 17 he told me he was going to be there for her. I wish he would of been there for me. My heart breaks every single day. I know I will never have children. My donor attempts failed. I live with a man who makes me feel unwanted. I'm not allowed to touch any of his things. I can't plant any flowers on our property. I'm not allowed to step foot in his garage. I'm to keep my hands off of his van. He never wants my name on anything. He x wife calls me and screams at me for no reason and my husband sticks up for her. I have always believed in marriage. I don't want a divorce. The bible says a lot about this. But I don't know how I can be happy in this marriage. I just wish that he loved me and could see my pain
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Oh Anonymous,
A voice in my head keeps screaming, “Leave him!” There are many forms of abuse besides physically hitting someone, and your husband may be an abuser. Please, talk to somebody about this, family, friends, your pastor, a counselor, someone relatively impartial and see if you can find an acceptable resolution. I'm so sorry your donor pregnancies failed. That must be so hard. Know that you are not alone here. Keep coming back.
Hugs. ((()))
Sue
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I am 56 years old and only now realizing that I gave up a lot when I decided not to have children. Next year is our 30th anniversary, and I have always felt that something was missing from our marriage. I love my husband and he loves me. However, I've never felt that I love him unconditionally. I have always felt like I had much more unused capacity to love. We have cats, and while I do love them a lot, it's not the same as having a speaking person/child to love fully.
When my husband and I first got together, he said early on that he did not want children. I was struggling on and of with depression and wasn't so sure I'd be a good mother or wanted children either. My drive to have kids was pretty minimal during my primary childbearing years. Yet, in my early-mid thirties I decided that I did want children. I was able to talk to my husband about this, and while he wasn't gung ho, he said OK, let's try. Unfortunately, after trying for a year or so, I did not get pregnant. I then did try a fertility drug, but again no success. I still had some mixed feelings, so took the approach that I did not want to try IVF, or other heroic means, to conceive, nor did I want to adopt. I read other posts in this column, and clearly some of the women (and men) are VERY driven to conceive. That was not my situation. My husband did agree to get his sperm count tested, but it was fine. I had a good career, and life went along with out me feeling too bereft without kids. In my mid-late 40's I had some female issues and learned that I had blocked fallopian tubes. The surgeon simply removed one damaged tube, and told me the other one was quite scarred. The removal without asking made me feel very cheated and sad that maybe I could have gotten pregnant if I had tried a bit harder. Mostly I have dealt with these feelings ok, but it seems like lately it's all come crashing down on me with the realization of what I missed out on. Yes, we don't have the large expenses of children so I am able to work part time and not worry about money. But, while I have some good friends, I would love to be able to spend this time off with children/ grandchildren.
Recently my niece became a mother and she is ecstatically happy. I am not jealous of her, but I do look back on my past decisions about level of effort to get pregnant and wish I had tried harder. I am caring for aging parents and 3 other relatives, which I do find somewhat rewarding, but it doesn't bring the joy that being around children does. Christmas was yesterday, and we were around lots of family. Many of these repressed feelings of sadness were brought to the surface when I saw the close bonds between the parents and children, and the large loving family unit they form. It's just not enough with only my husband. Consequently, I sometimes unfairly take these child related feelings out on my husband. It isn't his fault that I never got pregnant, especially since he was willing to go along with me if I had. Yet….I still have feelings of sadness and opportunities lost. Where do I put these feelings? I feel like my life is winding down, but at 56 and still basically healthy, I want to give more of myself in a way that comes back to me. I just want to find peace and be happy. Thanks for having a place for me to share these feelings. I feel (slightly) better already.
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Anonymous, Thank you for sharing your story. I think it's helpful for the younger women to read how it turned out for those of us beyond childbearing age. I think we need to hang on to what's good in our lives because we can't change our childless situation now. But we can look for ways to share our love.
(Please don't anybody say, “Oh, just adopt.” It's not the same and it's not that easy.)
I hope you do find peace and happiness.
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Hi, it helps to read these comments because I'm 34 and feeling really sad and depressed because my husband and I have been trying to have children for over 7 years and we've had tests upon tests. Nothing came up and there doesn't seem to be a reason why we can't conceive. I'm starting to think maybe we won't. It really hurts because both my brothers have started their families and so have cousins. I feel left out.
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Welcome, Anonymous Jan. 29. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I hope your situation changes for the better soon. Meanwhile, we are here for you. You are not alone.
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I recently discovered your blog. I married a man who had 3 kids from a prior marriage and a vasectomy. At the time we met and discussed it, he was (or seemed) open to the idea of adoption or a vasectomy reversal. He had only had the vasectomy about 2 years before we met. We dated for 2 years then got married. We've been married 9 years and about a year after our wedding, he explained he absolutely did not want more and this was nonnegotiable.
I've grieved ever since. However, for years I still had hope for a miracle. I recently turned 34 and I think I'm having a midlife crisis. I know that my fertility is certainly declining at this point. I've quit facebook and then come back, all over the baby boom amongst my friends. Motherhood truly is a club. I can't take it sometimes – the conversations between coworkers that I cannot take part in, the baby showers, the pride, the pictures, the instant meaning in their lives.
It makes me angry to note my increased sex drive every month when I'm ovulating – knowing that my body is 'trying' to get pregnant. And I grieve every month when my period arrives.
I want to move past the anger but I can't seem to let go of this dream. It is a drive that I can't get away from. I believe meaning for my life exists outside of motherhood, but right now, I feel I can never get past it.
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Anonymous,
I can really identify with your story. The only difference is that my husband told me BEFORE the wedding, not a year later. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It doesn't seem fair. But if you stay with him, you'll have to find a way to deal with it. I know about that increased sex drive, too. So frustrating. Know that it does get easier with age and you are not alone.
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I’ve always wanted children, even from a very young age it was my main goal in life. I got married when I was 27 to a man who was alcoholic, used drugs and was physically and verbally abusive to me. In the 2 years that I stayed with him, he constantly begged me to have a child with him, which I refused to do, as I couldn’t bring a child into a situation like that. After I finally found the courage to leave him, I spent 5 years alone as I needed time to heal. I then met the wonderful man who became my second husband, and who I’ve now been married to for 5 years. I knew before we married that he had a medical condition that would make it impossible for us to conceive naturally, but I was honest with him about my desire to have children and he agreed we could look at fertility treatment. But since we got married he has made excuse after excuse to delay seeking help with fertility, and has finally now admitted 5 years in, when I am 41, that he doesn’t want to have children (I think because he comes from a dysfunctional family he’s afraid he’ll be a bad father, although I know he’d be wonderful). He hasn’t completely taken the possibility of fertility treatment or adoption off the table, but neither will he take any positive action to achieve it either, and I can’t do it by myself. It’s a terrible thing to say but I almost feel as though he’s ‘stolen’ the last of my fertile years, and he’s done it so casually, without any comprehension of the pain and grief his actions have caused me. All he can say is that our relationship is enough for him, so why isn’t it enough for me? My sister is also childless (presumably by choice – we’ve never discussed it) so I don’t have any nephews or nieces and my husband is estranged from his family. Both my parents were only children so there is no wider extended family either. I feel like I'm doomed to a life with no children in it. My best friend has two beautiful boys and I used to get such pleasure from buying them little gifts for their birthdays and Christmas – nothing extravagant – but she asked me to stop buying them presents as she said they had too much stuff. I rarely see her or her children now. It was such a relief to read the posts on here (I have read them all, while crying) and to know that other people feel the same way as me. Thank you so much.
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Anonymous, What a tough situation. My heart aches for you. All I can suggest is to keep talking with your husband about this and make him understand that while you do love him, it's breaking your heart to think you'll never have kids.
You might want to download Beth Follini's Baby or Not? book from Amazon.com. The chapter on what to do if your partner doesn't want kids and how to have a constructive discussion about this is very helpful. You can read the Kindle version on any computer if you don't have a Kindle or a tablet.
I wish you all the best.
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Sue, I am the anonymous from yesterday and just wanted to add that it's so kind of you to take the time and trouble to respond personally to everyone who has left a post, even when you are dealing with the pain of childlessness yourself.
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Anon, We're all in this together. Sometimes I don't write a respond, mainly because I don't think anything needs to be said, but mostly I try to acknowledge your comments.
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