Another book to ponder

I just finished another book that happened to be about babies and husbands who don’t want them. After the Rice is a beautifully written novel by Wendy French, a writer I really like, but I was shocked by the ending. How much was the protagonist, Megan’s, decision influenced by her husband’s strong stand against babies? Did she remain childless to please him or was that what she really wanted? Am I just a romantic who wants others to have the babies I didn’t have? Check it out. You’ll love Wendy’s writing style. The characters she creates are so delightful, I miss them now that I’m through with the book. But that ending. I just don’t know.

While I’m at it, I might as well plug her other books, sMotheringGoing Coastal and Full of It. Fun reading.

Dog Parents at the Vet’s Office

Parents meet at the pediatrician’s office, but pet owners congregate at the vet’s.
The best part is the waiting room. You never know whom you’re going to meet. Even if you didn’t know these people before, your mutual love of dogs gets the conversation going.
Yesterday, Sadie and I were doing our weekly recheck with Dr. H. She had suddenly decided she didn’t want to go for a ride, so I hefted her into the back seat, and off we went. She sighed and settled onto the green towel spread over the upholstery.
In the waiting room, we hit the jackpot. An older man stood at the counter with a baby golden retriever straining at the leash to meet my big yellow shepherd-lab mix. Meanwhile, a young man sat with a lab pup who had lost a battle at the food bowl with the family’s older dogs. The cream-colored dog looked like it had a black eye. Next to me, a middle-aged woman sat with a black dachshund wrapped in a pale blue baby blanket. “He needs his blankie,” she said, patting his blanket-covered back.
Ah.
My Sadie, sprawled on the speckled linoleum, was the biggest dog in the room and the best behaved, but that’s only because she’s old and sick. She used to be crazy like that golden pup.
“She’s beautiful,” said the dachsie owner.
“Thank you.” I felt my ego fluff up a little. All Sadie’s life, people have been stopping me to admire my dog. “Can I pet her?” they ask. “Sure,” I say. Even sick and skinny, she’s still a looker, and I’m proud of her.
Soon we were comparing illnesses. Dear Sadie has cancer. The dachshund has itchy ears and a sore on his rump where he kept biting himself.
“Oh, Sadie did that a couple years ago. It was such a mess.”
Everyone gets into everybody else’s dog business at the vet’s. We might not share our own health problems, but we all want to talk about our “babies.”
After the golden went home, the dachshund was called into the smaller examining room. They do it like that. They don’t call the owner. The doctor peeks out and calls the dog. We humans just follow along as interpreters.
Sadie and I were called into the next room, the big room with the ugly red painting of an Irish setter and the big animal anatomy charts. An aide weighed her and took a blood sample. Then we waited.
As my dog pouted on the floor—hey, you tricked me again, she was probably thinking—I eavesdropped on the consultation with the dachshund. Hot spot, yes, could have told you that. Wax built up in the ears. “You never had that,” I whispered to Sadie. “You have great ears.”
Dirty teeth. Need to schedule a cleaning. “You had that,” I say, rubbing my dog’s soft fur. Could they sneak in a nail trim while the pup was anesthetized? “Sure,” the vet said. “He’ll never know the difference.”
Oh, yes, he will, I thought. Sadie did. He’ll wake up and think, what the heck happened to my feet?
The doctor went to another room to gather the dachsie’s medications. I listened as the owner talked baby talk in a high voice. “You’ve got a hot spot, a hot spot, wow, my widdle baby has a hot spot.”
“Shoot me if I start to talk like that,” I told my dog. She looked up at me. “Yeah,” I said, purposely keeping my voice low and adult, “We don’t do baby talk.” Okay, I do call her Booboo sometimes and I tell her a hundred times a day that she’s the best dog in the world, but no, no, we don’t do baby talk. Or blankies. Well, actually she does take her big pink quilt to the kennel with her, and she has an L.L. Bean bed in the den, but she has to sleep on something.
The doctor returned to the dachsund, arrangements were made for a return visit, and then it was our turn.
Dr. H. was pleased with Sadie’s progress. Her cancer seems to be in remission, he said, suggesting another dose of chemo, the oral kind I have to stuff down her throat every 36 hours. It’s a good news-bad news thing. She’s feeling better, but I get to spend the next week praying she doesn’t vomit up her pills. Even if she doesn’t, I feel queasy until the treatment is over.
I met with the dachshund-owner at the counter as we gathered our meds and paid our bills. “He’s a sweetie,” I said, noting how she held the little black dog against her bosom just like a baby.
“Oh, thank you. I hope yours gets better.”
“Me too.”
As we went out the heavy orange door, the bullied pup was called in with his young owner, and the waiting room was temporarily empty.
I’m going to miss those people. None of us know anything about each other except that we love our dogs. Work, marriage, where we’re from, whether we have children, none of that matters. We’re dog mo—lovers. Maybe we’ll meet again next week at the vet’s office.

Nobody’s Mother or dog’s mother?

I just read about a relatively new book called “Nobody’s Mother: Life Without Kids” by Lynne Van Luven. Teena from Toronto featured it on her blog called “It’s All About Me!” Well, there’s a good blog title. But I wonder if it also relates to people who are childless by choice. It’s all about meeeee, not about some rugrat who’s going to take all my time, attention and money. Never mind. I’m biased. But the book does sound interesting. Although I don’t think it has too much about being childless by marriage, I’m ordering it and will report on it when I’ve read it.
Teena from Toronto says she and her husband Gord consider their dog and two cats their “kids.” I can’t tell you how many childless women have told me they’re gaga over their pets. Does this say they really wanted children but preferred the kind you could lock in the back yard when you wanted to go somewhere or didn’t want them around?
I don’t think that’s true for me. I wanted a dog because I adore dogs. Sadie is not a child substitute. If I had 15 kids, I’d still want dogs.
As I think I reported earlier, my dog Sadie has cancer. She’s doing pretty well right now, but the doctor has decided more chemo would be too hard on her, so we have a couple months with her at best. Very sad, but we try not to ruin the time we have by thinking too far ahead.

Who will help in your old age?

Buying plants at the nursery the other day, I noticed the supply was dwindling and asked the young owner if she was preparing to close for winter. It turns out she’s preparing to close forever. Her father-in-law has Alzheimer’s and she and her husband are moving to Corvallis (about 60 miles away) to help him and his wife. “They need us closer,” she said. She seemed to have no doubt about the right thing to do.
When I ask childless women whether they worry about who will take care of them in their old age, most reply that people can’t count on their kids to be there anyway. Do you think that’s true?
Let me turn this around a bit. Would you uproot your life if your parents needed you? Have you done so or known others who have? Why or why not?
I know what I’d do, but I’d love to hear your answers first.
Sue

My baby the dog comes first

Sitting at the vet’s office early yesterday morning, I watched a woman about my age holding a white poodle to her bosom, patting it just like she would pat a human baby. The pooch, only two years old, has a serious intestinal problem. My dog, Sadie, a 13-year-old shepherd-lab mix, has cancer. She’s too big to hold in my lap, but that doesn’t stop me from lots of petting and baby talk.
We were all waiting while the vet dealt with a terrier who had been hit by a car.
In my surveys of childless women, I have found that most of them have pets and admit to treating them like babies. These days while my dog is so sick, I have to keep reminding myself not to ignore my husband. I suspect I’d have been the same way with kids. It would be all about the children and the poor husband would be doomed to sloppy seconds.
How many times a day do I speak to the dog and the husband says, “What?” Then I have to explain, “No, I was talking to the dog.” Why wasn’t I talking to the husband? Is it maternal instinct that makes us place the child or the pet first? If I had to choose between the dog and the husband, would I choose the husband? Ooh, that’s a tough one.
Any dog moms out there care to comment on this touchy topic?