Newsweek: “Woman Accepts Divorce after Twelve Years over Unexpected Pregnancy”
Twelve years ago, this couple agreed they would not have children. Neither of them wanted kids. They were happy being just the two of them, and that’s the end of that discussion. Except that the 40-year-old wife somehow got pregnant in spite of his vasectomy.
Surgical error? Immaculate Conception? Was she cheating on him? We don’t know. She says, “It’s like a miracle.” She wants to keep the baby. The husband has declared that he will divorce her. When he said he didn’t want kids, he meant it. In general, she doesn’t like kids either, but she wants this baby, even if she has to raise it alone.
The article goes on to talk about the impact having children has on a marriage, how things change dramatically and how couples with children are more likely to divorce than couples without. I don’t know how much truth is in this piece, which is annoying to read with its overdose of ads and pop-ups, but what do you think?
Can having a baby ruin a marriage? Is that one of the reasons you’re not pushing to get pregnant? Is the guy in the article a jerk for rejecting his wife when she gets pregnant despite efforts to prevent it? Or is he sticking to what he has always said, that he absolutely does not want to be a father?
The article quotes smartmarriages.com, which says one factor more likely to lead to divorce is the situation where a woman wants a child more than her spouse. “Couples who do not agree on how much they do or don’t want to have children are twice as likely to end their marriage.”
So I ask, because disagreement about having children is the essence of being childless by marriage, if both parties are not 100 percent sure they are not going to have children, no matter what happens, is the possibility of divorce always hanging over their heads?
What do you think? Please share your thoughts in the comments.
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Childless by Marriage 
I think it is. It’s tough–its easy to demonize one party or the other, but I think situations change and you have to make decisions in marriage. This can be anything–a move, an affair, a work situation, cancer, lifestyle, the ability to have children, or the decision around having children. I think anyone in a marriage has their breaking point, and in this case, this may have been the husband’s. It is unfortunate if this couple decides to divorce, but at the same time, it is probably best for those involved (including the wife and child).
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I wonder, though, whether this baby really is the husband’s genetic child. Maybe he is upset because he doesn’t think the baby is his.
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Another thing: the statement that marriages with children are more likely to end in divorce than those without is completely untrue; in fact, the opposite is true. Even one commenter on a childfree site was forced to admit this (that couples with children are less likely to divorce).
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“…is the possibility of divorce always hanging over their heads?”
I think the possibility is there in every single marriage. They can come to disagree on fundamental issues (not just children) at any time.
I don’t think the guy is a jerk. He always said he didn’t want kids. She didn’t and now she does. They are no longer compatible, no one is at fault here.
You might say people should make an agreement when they get married – but people change. When a marriage lasts 50 years or more, they can change a heck of a lot. If a woman agrees to children at the beginning of a marriage, then realizes it’s not for her – should she be forcefully impregnated? Should her children be subjected to a parent who didn’t want them? Is that fair?
Changing your mind about children ten years into a marriage may be rough on the other partner – but there is no acceptable alternative.
The one situation where I would say a person is scum is when they say they want/don’t want children just to please and placate their partner, with no intention to follow through. How many women have wasted their fertile years on a man who’d say “when we have more money…” “when we buy a house…” only to admit at 42 that actually no, he doesn’t want children. I’m sure it happened to men too but they have more time/options.
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Maxorias, you are so right. People do change. It’s human nature. We can only decide how we’re going to respond to is. As for the spouse who keeps delaying until it’s too late, that’s what happened with my first husband. I think it happens a lot.
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